New Job

I got a new job involving food, leaving behind that customer service rep torture. Pays less but is not going to drive me literally insane. If I had continued at that occupation, I would probably be on anti-depressants. Or have destroyed company property with my head. Anyhow, I'm very thankful to get out of that.

Tired Today

Well. I'm tired today and feel like crap. I can't think properly and I'm clumsy as hell. So here's some song lyrics I want to keep track of -

The Consumer's Song by Anti-Flag

Don't trust them as far as you can throw them
Because as strong as you may be you won't be able to move them an inch
But you don't have to believe me go ahead and
Be the corporate stooge that they trained you to be and...
Then you'll see what you get for your loyalty!

They call it "Down sizing" but that's just a backhanded saying
For the phrase: "We're gonna screw you, until you're down on your knees...
And you better not try to complain 'cause there's another hundred stiffs like you,
All who'd plead...
"I'd kiss your ass just for a chance to be a whore to your company!!!"

You see it every day, everywhere, on the t.v. screen
Each time a different face or family, but it's always the same
"We worked here all our lives, gave them everything we had
And now they say they're gonna move the factory,
To a Third World country where the labor is cheap."

But the fact my friend that you don't see
Is the money you spend on the goods they make
Supports their methods of abuse on the third world scene
And in your very own backyard, yes your country

So i won't be the consumer that they want me to be
Because the goods i own, aren't going to set me free
So i won't buy that crap, they want to sell me
Because the goods i own, won't set anyone free

Cons of Discontent

For some reason, I never can quite be happy with doing what I am supposed to be doing. It's not even something I am consciously aware of most of the time. Someone says stay in your seat, I want to walk around. Someone says don't sit down, that chair is the best spot in the universe. I can't do what I am told. It's extremely difficult. Is this some kind of deep seated character defect that I chose to have? Some people have told me it is. I don't think so. Who would choose this on purpose? Always contrary. Contesting everything I am expected to do. It's compulsive.

I'm not all that thrilled with the pattern my life is in right now. Work, eat, sleep, waste time trying not to think about work, work, eat, sleep, don't think about work, attempt to engage in some kind of recreation activity, try to work on a project but can't focus, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, get angry, flail around while trying to erase debts, work, eat, sleep. I can't think clearly, all I can do is feel angry and the anger isn't even clearly directed. I worry that by the time my expiry date comes up, nothing I have as a deep seated craving in my soul will be realised.

And no, I don't really like my job. Right, and then everyone goes "Who does?" Honestly, I would rather be filling bags of sand with my bare hands all day than put up with my brain being filled with inconsequential, trivial crap which will mean nothing in the end. I would rather be picking rocks out of the ground. Salt mines, that actually sounds fun at this point.